Evan Marc Katz
Christian Carter Interviews Dr.
Christian Carter of Catch Him and Keep recently
interviewed Dr. Alex, who is the acclaimed author of
The Tao of Dating. Dr. Alex presents a fascinating
blend of Eastern Philosophy and spirituality into
his dating tips and relationship advice.
Here are some tidbits of what Dr. Alex shared with
Christian Carter’s Catch Him and Keep Him listeners
in his interview.
1. Balance Your “Yin And Yang”
One of the fascinating concepts that Dr. Alex shared
from Eastern Philosophy is the idea of Yin and Yang
and how it plays out in the world of dating,
relationships, and love. You've probably seen the
Yin and Yang symbol - it's a circle made up of two
tear-drops intertwined, one white and one black. The
white one represents feminine energy (Yin), and the
black one represents masculine energy (Yang). Within
each tear drop is a dot of the opposite color. The
white tear drop representing feminine energy has a
black dot in the middle of it, showing that it's
natural and healthy for the feminine to have a small
element of masculine energy for balance.
In the same way, the black tear drop representing
masculine energy has a white dot in the middle of
it, showing that within the masculine there should
be a small element of feminine energy too.
The idea behind this is that when men and women have
the right amount of masculine and feminine energies,
we complement each other perfectly… and the result
is a fulfilling, lasting, harmonious relationship.
So why aren't more of us in great relationships?
Well, in the very distant past (thousands of years
ago and beyond), masculine and feminine roles were
much simpler to identify and participate in. For
example, the men would hunt, and the women would
gather. Pretty simple. If you did your part and
fulfilled your role, everything was status quo. In
those days, with such clear differences between
masculine and feminine, it's safe to say that the
natural magnetism betweenthe sexes was much easier
to see and feel.
But Dr. Alex tells Christian Carter of Catch Him and
Keep Him that in recent years, the new roles of men
and women have blurred the boundaries of masculinity
and femininity. For example, many women find that
taking on a more masculine, driven energy at work
helps them achieve more, get praise, move up, etc….
which is great.
But if you come home and interact with a man when
you're still in that "masculine mode", and he’s also
a “masculine” type of man, it can create subtle or
even intense conflict.
Remember, when Yin and Yang get together, there's
harmony. But when a woman comes home masculine
(Yang), and she interacts with her masculine man
(who is also Yang), you get two Yangs… and Dr. Alex
says that almost always causes some disharmony and
Dr. Alex tells Christian Carter and the Catch Him
and Keep Him subscribers that the key is to make a
conscious choice of WHERE you use each kind of
energy. For example, it's great to be able to shift
into a more directed, masculine energy at work… but
when you come home, what's really going to make you
feel like a man is there for you and help him satisfy
and fulfill you, is if you move into your feminine
energy of feeling, sharing and connection.
Of course, a “masculine” single man is also going to
feel more connected with you and feel comfortable
getting close and affectionate with you when you
shift back into your natural feminine energy and
allow space for him to take on the more “masculine”
Allowing your femininity to express itself is a HUGE
attraction turn-on for a man and the more you learn
how to do this consciously, the more success you’re
going to have at knowing how to draw a man into love
and affection with you – and get him out of his
head, his work, and all the distractions the world
has for you both even when you’re together.
2. Kill Your Prince
Dr. Alex (like many of the other dating and
relationship experts that Christian Carter
interviews) said one of the most common mistakes
women make in dating and relationships is looking
for their “Prince”, or “A Knight In Shining Armor".
While lots of people talk about this concept, Alex
has a unique take and reason for talking about this…
because there’s a huge challenge women (and men in
their own ways) deal with when it comes to long term
That challenge is PERFECTIONISM.
We all know that in reality a perfect mate in every
way doesn't exist. But the issue is that while we
KNOW this, we don’t LIVE this way. Dr. Alex also
shared a “Zen” saying from his studies and personal
experiences in Eastern philosophy: "a broken cup is
perfect at being a broken cup."
He said that all things, including human beings, are
like broken cups. They are perfect - not in the
sense of being flawless, but it being what they are.
In other words, you can see more of the perfection
of any person by practicing the simple act of
ACCEPTING another human being as they are.
Let go of that image of your “Prince”…. is SO
important in allowing you to be truly and deeply
satisfied in your relationship. When you let go of
your need for perfection, you'll find that you free
yourself and a man to see each other’s hidden
strengths – strengths most women overlook because
they fall into the common trap of focusing on
imperfections, scarcity, and what’s missing.
When you accept a man for who he is in that moment,
and begin to look at him for who he is (and not what
you’d like him to be or what he isn’t), something
VERY interesting will happen… By allowing him to
feel accepted at a deep level, he in turn will trust
you more… open up to you more… and reveal a deeper
part of himself to you – a part he may have never
shown to any other woman.
3. The Trap Of “Love At First Sight”
Have you ever stopped to think about the idea that
you were brought up with a romanticized idea of
“love at first sight”? It's easy to buy into the
idea that unless you're overcome with a rush of
emotions the very first time you see a man… or on
your very first date… then he's obviously not “the
one”. After all, chemistry is one of the most
important parts of a dating… right?
Well, Dr. Alex brought up an interesting point…
Think of the last man you dated who you had great
chemistry with at the very beginning. Now ask
yourself…. where is he now? If the answer is that
he's no longer around, then that should tell you
Intense attraction at the beginning is NOT a good
indicator of the potential for a lasting
relationship. But tons women and men, day after day,
are terribly guilty of following what their emotions
tell them about their partner… instead of learning
to look for a balance of the emotional, “rational”,
and psychological connection that will tell you
much, much more about where things might end up in
And here’s an interesting fact: Dr. Alex also shared
with Christian Carter - that most women marry men
who they didn’t feel that hot and heavy for at
first. Which would you rather have: ... a sudden
explosion of feeling that quickly ends?
… or a sustained appreciation of beauty that grows
Pretty easy to answer, I bet.
These are just some of the highlights of Christian
Carters Interview with Dr. Alex.
Check out Dr.
Alex's book here:
The Tao of Dating : A Smart Woman's Guide to Embracing Your Inner Goddess and Finding the Fulfillment You Deserve
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