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Dr. Alex
Evan Marc Katz
Marie Forleo
Rori Raye
Carlos Xuma
Karinna Kittles-Karston
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Christian Carter Interviews Evan
Marc Katz
Christian Carter of Catch Him and Keep Him had
the pleasure of interviewing a unique dating coach
named Evan Marc Katz. He's the author of two books,
I Can't Believe I'm Buying This Book: A Common Sense
Guide To Successful Internet Dating, and Why You're
Still Single: Things Your Friends Would Tell You If
You Promise Not To Get Mad. He has also worked for
several online dating sites, and has his own online
dating consulting business.
Here are just some of the highlights and dating tips
(especially dating tips for women!) of Christian
Carter’s Interview with Evan Marc Katz.
1. Men Don't Go Both Ways
One of the fascinating ideas Evan stressed was that
“men don't go both ways.” He explained that there
are two “paradigms” of men that women find
attractive. One is the Marlboro Man – he's the
strong silent type. He gets things done. He doesn't
cry or show his emotions. Women are attracted to his
strength and stability, but often complain that
these types are “emotionally unavailable”. The other
kind of man that women find attractive is the
Sensitive Guy (like Christian Carter himself!). He
listens to you, communicates freely, and tells you
what's on his mind. You'll feel connected with him
in a totally different way from the Marlboro Man.
The point here is that you can't expect a man to go
BOTH WAYS. You can't expect a Marlboro Man to cry at
chick flicks – nor can you expect a Sensitive Guy to
get in street fights. Whether you're with a Marlboro
Man or more of a Sensitive Guy, see him and accept
him for who he is and realize each has unique
strengths that the other does not.
2. Hitting On Twenty
Ever been to Vegas? Evan shared a gambling metaphor
that illustrates the dangers of PERFECTIONISM in the
dating arena. He said that dating is a lot like the
card game Black Jack, where you try to get as close
to 21 without going over. What happens when you get
a 20 in Black Jack? If you're smart, you “stick”
with the hand you have… because the odds of getting
an ace to get 21 without going over is very slim.
It's a losing proposition to hit on 20. Ok, to give
it to you bluntly, you’d have to be an idiot to hit
on twenty. There… I said it. But most of us in
relationships DO hit on 20 in various ways and on
various levels because we think we deserve 21, or
that 21 is the only way that things are going to
work out and give us what we think we want.
In other words, we believe we deserve the perfect
partner, and that anything else HAS TO mean that
something is either wrong with THEM or with US. And
this difficult habit of “hitting on 20” is
especially true and dangerous if we are considering
someone to spend the rest of our lives with. When
the stakes are this high, many women feel they need
to find a man who is the embodiment of EVERYTHING on
their “checklist” for the perfect guy. Evan pointed
out that if you have a “career” of hitting on 20,
and you're still single, that may be something for
you to look at that even your friends will have a
hard time identifying or sharing with you.
3. Perfection Is A Lasting Relationship
What's really counter-intuitive about not hitting on
20 is that it's not always about accepting other
people – often, the hardest part is accepting
YOURSELF. And just as you want to be accepted for
being flawed (which we ALL are), you must learn to
accept your flawed partner. Accept yourself as
imperfect, and accept him as imperfect. Of course,
this is MUCH easier said than done… as I know from
my own personal experience. The truth is it’s hard
to tell the difference in our minds when we’re
actually seeing things clearly and insisting on
what’s “right”… versus when we’re trying to change
things that aren’t critical, don’t need to be
changed, and would do us good to give more room for
understanding and compassion.
4. When To Go “All The Way”
So many women are looking for the one steadfast rule
to answer the age-old question, “When should I go
ALL THE WAY?” And what makes this issue confusing is
there are contradictory and competing theories on
what's the best solution. One “school” of thought is
that a woman should hold out a very long time so
that he not only respects you, but also proves to
you that he's looking for something more than just
sex. Another “school” of thought is that if it feels
right, there's certainly nothing wrong in “losing
yourself in the moment” and following the signals
your body gives you. Evan says that, unfortunately,
there's no hardened fast rule…
It is more important that you develop good “radar”
than it is to discover some type of universal rule.
Work on improving your ability to distinguish the
good, sincere guys from the players and users.
Learning to understand a man’s behavior, and why
he’s doing the things he’s doing will do so much
more for you than learning a “rule” to use instead.
Of course, one takes longer than the other… and you
know which is which. The reality is… when to go all
the way really depends on the guy you're connecting
with. If you try to use a rule WITHOUT also
developing a good “radar” system, here's what is
likely to happen… You decide to make him wait for a
specific number of dates, let's say 7, before you'll
sleep with him. If he’s pushing for sex, you’ll
probably tell him that he needs to wait so that he
knows you're not going to rush into bed with him
right away… but neither of you will really talk
about what’s going on and more importantly WHY
you’re spending time together.
And then what might happen? He'll get through those
7 requisite dates… sleep with you… and then decide
that he’s not “ready for a relationship”. Give me a
little nod if you’ve seen this before or it’s
happened to you. Rules without “radar”, rules
without learning to understand where a man is coming
from, and rules without developing the ability to
communicate in a productive and interesting way
instead of guessing is always a recipe for disaster.
5. Why Chemistry Is Dangerous
Have you ever felt so attracted to a man that you
stopped acting “normal”… and you started acting like
someone you're not? It's a fact that our emotions
affect our behavior. Unfortunately, when we're
feeling the emotion of attraction, it can often
affect our behaviors in NEGATIVE WAYS… ways that
sometimes accidentally repel the person we're
attracted to. If you've ever been so attracted to a
guy that you began acting strangely desperate and
clingy, you know how TOXIC this can be in fledgling
relationships. Have you ever had a guy who was
“totally into you” start buying you gifts, sending
you flowers, and complimenting you all the time?
Well, these things sure sound “nice”… but the
reality is that if you weren’t already interested in
the man, these things did NOT make you more
attracted to him. In fact, they probably seemed
creepy or annoying or desperate instead. It works
the same way, but slightly differently with men…
The more aware you can become aware of how your
emotions and your energy affect your behavior, the
more you can make informed decisions about how you
want to behave at any given moment… and the more you
can start doing things that WORK and get other
people, such as men, to respond positively to you.
The idea is that following YOUR emotions won’t
always lead you to do things that create the same
emotions in a man.
Let's say you've recently begun dating someone new
and your emotions are telling you to call him
several times a day. If you're aware that this is
just an emotional response to a new love or
infatuation, you can actually step back from your
emotions and instead decide to exercise PATIENCE by
waiting a day or two before calling. This doesn’t
mean you’re playing “games”… it just means that
you’re going to make sure that you stay centered in
your life and enjoy the feeling for yourself. When a
man sees that a woman has control over her emotions,
it's a HUGE turn-on. It says to him “relationship
material” in a very strong way.
Click her eto get Evan's book from Amazon!
Click here to get help from Evan mark Katz on
YOUR online dating profile!
These are just some of the highlights of Christian
Carters Interview with Evan. Sign yourself up now by
clicking
here to get Christian Carter's Catch Him and
Keep Him eBook and Interview Series subscription.
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