Christian Carter

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Internet's Top Dating Coach - Evan Marc Katz - offers dating and relationship advice to smart, strong, successful women... Click here to find out more!
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Christian Carter Interviews Evan Marc Katz

 

Christian Carter of Catch Him and Keep Him had the pleasure of interviewing a unique dating coach named Evan Marc Katz. He's the author of two books, I Can't Believe I'm Buying This Book: A Common Sense Guide To Successful Internet Dating, and Why You're Still Single: Things Your Friends Would Tell You If You Promise Not To Get Mad. He has also worked for several online dating sites, and has his own online dating consulting business.

Here are just some of the highlights and dating tips (especially dating tips for women!) of Christian Carter’s Interview with Evan Marc Katz.

1. Men Don't Go Both Ways

One of the fascinating ideas Evan stressed was that “men don't go both ways.” He explained that there are two “paradigms” of men that women find attractive. One is the Marlboro Man – he's the strong silent type. He gets things done. He doesn't cry or show his emotions. Women are attracted to his strength and stability, but often complain that these types are “emotionally unavailable”. The other kind of man that women find attractive is the Sensitive Guy (like Christian Carter himself!). He listens to you, communicates freely, and tells you what's on his mind. You'll feel connected with him in a totally different way from the Marlboro Man. The point here is that you can't expect a man to go BOTH WAYS. You can't expect a Marlboro Man to cry at chick flicks – nor can you expect a Sensitive Guy to get in street fights. Whether you're with a Marlboro Man or more of a Sensitive Guy, see him and accept him for who he is and realize each has unique strengths that the other does not.

2. Hitting On Twenty

Ever been to Vegas? Evan shared a gambling metaphor that illustrates the dangers of PERFECTIONISM in the dating arena. He said that dating is a lot like the card game Black Jack, where you try to get as close to 21 without going over. What happens when you get a 20 in Black Jack? If you're smart, you “stick” with the hand you have… because the odds of getting an ace to get 21 without going over is very slim. It's a losing proposition to hit on 20. Ok, to give it to you bluntly, you’d have to be an idiot to hit on twenty. There… I said it. But most of us in relationships DO hit on 20 in various ways and on various levels because we think we deserve 21, or that 21 is the only way that things are going to work out and give us what we think we want.

In other words, we believe we deserve the perfect partner, and that anything else HAS TO mean that something is either wrong with THEM or with US. And this difficult habit of “hitting on 20” is especially true and dangerous if we are considering someone to spend the rest of our lives with. When the stakes are this high, many women feel they need to find a man who is the embodiment of EVERYTHING on their “checklist” for the perfect guy. Evan pointed out that if you have a “career” of hitting on 20, and you're still single, that may be something for you to look at that even your friends will have a hard time identifying or sharing with you.

3. Perfection Is A Lasting Relationship

What's really counter-intuitive about not hitting on 20 is that it's not always about accepting other people – often, the hardest part is accepting YOURSELF. And just as you want to be accepted for being flawed (which we ALL are), you must learn to accept your flawed partner. Accept yourself as imperfect, and accept him as imperfect. Of course, this is MUCH easier said than done… as I know from my own personal experience. The truth is it’s hard to tell the difference in our minds when we’re actually seeing things clearly and insisting on what’s “right”… versus when we’re trying to change things that aren’t critical, don’t need to be changed, and would do us good to give more room for understanding and compassion.

4. When To Go “All The Way”

So many women are looking for the one steadfast rule to answer the age-old question, “When should I go ALL THE WAY?” And what makes this issue confusing is there are contradictory and competing theories on what's the best solution. One “school” of thought is that a woman should hold out a very long time so that he not only respects you, but also proves to you that he's looking for something more than just sex. Another “school” of thought is that if it feels right, there's certainly nothing wrong in “losing yourself in the moment” and following the signals your body gives you. Evan says that, unfortunately, there's no hardened fast rule…

It is more important that you develop good “radar” than it is to discover some type of universal rule. Work on improving your ability to distinguish the good, sincere guys from the players and users. Learning to understand a man’s behavior, and why he’s doing the things he’s doing will do so much more for you than learning a “rule” to use instead. Of course, one takes longer than the other… and you know which is which. The reality is… when to go all the way really depends on the guy you're connecting with. If you try to use a rule WITHOUT also developing a good “radar” system, here's what is likely to happen… You decide to make him wait for a specific number of dates, let's say 7, before you'll sleep with him. If he’s pushing for sex, you’ll probably tell him that he needs to wait so that he knows you're not going to rush into bed with him right away… but neither of you will really talk about what’s going on and more importantly WHY you’re spending time together.

And then what might happen? He'll get through those 7 requisite dates… sleep with you… and then decide that he’s not “ready for a relationship”. Give me a little nod if you’ve seen this before or it’s happened to you. Rules without “radar”, rules without learning to understand where a man is coming from, and rules without developing the ability to communicate in a productive and interesting way instead of guessing is always a recipe for disaster.

5. Why Chemistry Is Dangerous

Have you ever felt so attracted to a man that you stopped acting “normal”… and you started acting like someone you're not? It's a fact that our emotions affect our behavior. Unfortunately, when we're feeling the emotion of attraction, it can often affect our behaviors in NEGATIVE WAYS… ways that sometimes accidentally repel the person we're attracted to. If you've ever been so attracted to a guy that you began acting strangely desperate and clingy, you know how TOXIC this can be in fledgling relationships. Have you ever had a guy who was “totally into you” start buying you gifts, sending you flowers, and complimenting you all the time? Well, these things sure sound “nice”… but the reality is that if you weren’t already interested in the man, these things did NOT make you more attracted to him. In fact, they probably seemed creepy or annoying or desperate instead. It works the same way, but slightly differently with men…

The more aware you can become aware of how your emotions and your energy affect your behavior, the more you can make informed decisions about how you want to behave at any given moment… and the more you can start doing things that WORK and get other people, such as men, to respond positively to you. The idea is that following YOUR emotions won’t always lead you to do things that create the same emotions in a man.

Let's say you've recently begun dating someone new and your emotions are telling you to call him several times a day. If you're aware that this is just an emotional response to a new love or infatuation, you can actually step back from your emotions and instead decide to exercise PATIENCE by waiting a day or two before calling. This doesn’t mean you’re playing “games”… it just means that you’re going to make sure that you stay centered in your life and enjoy the feeling for yourself. When a man sees that a woman has control over her emotions, it's a HUGE turn-on. It says to him “relationship material” in a very strong way.

Click here to get help from Evan Mark Katz - the personal dating coach for strong, successful women!

Internet's Top Dating Coach - Evan Marc Katz - offers dating and relationship advice to smart, strong, successful women... Click here to find out more!
 
 

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These are just some of the highlights of Christian Carters Interview with Evan. Sign yourself up now by clicking here to get Christian Carter's Catch Him and Keep Him eBook and Interview Series subscription. 
 

 
 

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