Evan Marc Katz
Christian Carter Interviews
“10 Powerful Tips To Become A Great
Lover…And ‘Connect’ With A Man On A Physical,
Emotional And Spiritual Level”
This month I had the pleasure of interviewing a
special friend of mine named Karinna Kittles Karston.
Karinna is a “Love Educator,” an expert on sexuality
and sensuality, and an internationally recognized
speaker, author and the founder of Sacred Love, Inc.
in Los Angeles, CA… but it’s her unique Eastern and
Western approach to love, sex and intimacy, based on
over 16 years of study that has been instrumental in
helping thousands of singles and couples worldwide.
She has been a guest speaker on television shows, at
universities, and has been asked to write several
top national health, love, and well-being oriented
In our interview, Karinna gave incredible advice
about becoming the type of lover that naturally and
“magnetically” draws a man in.
Specifically, she shared amazing tips for getting
into the right PHYSICAL and EMOTIONAL state that
will create the kind of connection and relationship
you want with a man, just by the power of your
She also shared tips on what you can do RIGHT NOW to
set the kind of mood that will make your lover feel
magically drawn to being with you.
Hint- it’s not just about sexuality, but sensuality…
and what Karinna calls the “sacred art of
I learned a lot in this interview and I know you
will, too. Here are some of the most valuable
Tip #1: Develop A Spiritual-Sexual Connection With
Karinna didn’t always have the natural, radiating
sensuality that allowed her to have a fulfilling
love life and teach others how to have one, too.
As a matter of fact, she grew up in a very
conservative household that didn’t talk about sexual
issues, so when she left home and became a
successful international model traveling all over
the world, she had a bit of a naive notion of what
romance and love were supposed to be about.
It wasn’t until she began to study the Eastern arts
of love with a Chinese master in New York for 8
years that she began to see how there was MORE to
sexuality and connection than just the mechanics.
True fulfillment, she realized, only comes where
there is a combination of sexuality and
spirituality, when a person learns to integrate
these two aspects into their love life. Only then
can you get to a place of INNER PEACE and wellbeing
with your relationship to sex.
What does that mean, exactly?
Think about it, have you ever been intimate with a
man but you’re having a hard time “getting into it”
because you’re worrying about tomorrow’s deadline at
work or wondering if he is noticing that extra five
pounds you’ve put on lately?
Have you ever wondered why the more you’re with a
man, the easier it is to get distracted like that
and as a result, there is less physical enjoyment
Have you ever felt sexually “numb” because instead
of feeling the sensations and pleasures of your
partner’s body, you’re instead wondering about
things that have nothing at all to do with what you
are doing RIGHT NOW?
To be truly PRESENT when you are being sexual with a
man means your heart, mind, body and spirit are all
participating with what you are doing and feeling IN
THE MOMENT. It means concentrating entirely on the
person you’re with, on the sensations you’re feeling
in your body, on the emotions welling up.
If you’ve ever tried “being in the moment” you know
that doing that is a lot harder than it sounds.
But there is good news.
This is a skill that anyone can learn.
And, learning that skill is just the first lesson to
unlocking the true, full potential in every woman to
be the naturally sensual and sexual being that will
enable her and her partner to ignite a SEXUAL
PASSION in their relationship.
Tip #2: Getting Past Your Own Form Of “Sexual
Karinna shared a recent success story she had with a
client. She was teaching a class that engaged three
simple movements based on yoga and tai chi that was
supposed to help women stimulate more sensations in
their bodies and hearts.
At the end of the class, one of the students came up
to Karinna and excitedly confided that by the end of
this lecture she had an orgasm! This was a
revelation this woman, because in the year and a
half that she had been married to her husband, she
had not been able to feel pleasure at all. And yet,
she felt instant pleasure when she did the movements
Later that night she went home and had the best sex
ever with her husband!
What had changed in her?
This woman probably had RESISTANCE to pleasure while
engaging in sex, and yet when she did the special
physical motions in the class, she did not “connect”
the pleasure to sex and was able to actually enjoy
the feelings in her body.
Unfortunately, many women are brought up thinking
that it’s not OK to be sexual. They are fed messages
that sex is “dirty” and is only something that
“loose” women enjoy, and therefore is not something
that should be enjoyed by women interested in a
quality, long-term relationship with a man.
I have to say, this kind of misguided thinking is a
disservice to both the woman AND the man!
Karinna says that women need to know and BELIEVE
that sex is a natural and healthy expression, that
CAN and SHOULD be enjoyed by both partners.
Tip #3: Learn How To Set the Mood
So now that we know about the importance of being
fully present—mind, body and soul—in order to fully
enjoy lovemaking, how do we set the mood for a
fantastic and sensual experience?
Karinna suggests that first and foremost, make sure
you are in EMOTIONAL HARMONY. This means making a
conscious effort to set aside your anxieties,
worries, stresses for that hour or longer you plan
on being sexual with your partner.
It’d be hard to get “into the mood” if you are still
mad that he was a half hour late for your date that
night. If you have a conflict to work out, do it way
before you head to the bedroom.
Also, Karinna believes that making love at different
times of the day can have a stimulating and exciting
result. Dusk is a particularly good chemical moment,
because it is the meeting of the yin and the yang,
the “masculine and feminine” in nature.
Once you’ve created a time and space for lovemaking,
be intentional about it. Turn off the TV, put down
that book. Lovemaking doesn’t necessarily have to be
intercourse, it can be massage, kissing, even
As long as you focus together on an activity that
allows energy to flow.
The bedroom should be a welcoming and sensual place
where you WANT to spend time. Look around your
bedroom. Is there dirty laundry strewn about, toys
or books all over the floor or nightstands? Be sure
to put away any distracting items, clean it up, and
create that inviting, “sacred space” with candles
and beautiful linens.
Oh, and Karinna warns that using those same old
sheets and blankets that you used with an old
partner in a previous relationship gone bad is “bad
mojo”. It’ll be hard to get in the right frame of
mind when you’re looking at the same flowered
pillowcases you looked at for the past two years
with your old boyfriend.
Instead, invest in new sheets and bring that sense
of “fresh beginning”.
You’ll be amazed at how making such basic changes
RIGHT NOW can create the right kind of “vibe” with
your new lover.
Tip #4: Use Your Sexual Energy to Become Creative in
OTHER Parts of Your Life
You might have never thought that being a sensual
and fulfilled person in the bedroom can help you
become more successful at work as well.
But it’s true! Sex and creativity are related
because the sexual act is the act of creating a life
form, so in this sense, sexuality is FULL of
creativity. If you can learn to channel your sexual
energy into your work, it would become much more
powerful because you can then create incredible
projects and have much MORE CREATIVITY. This is
particularly true of creative endeavors such as art
Think back to the last great, passionate love affair
you had, when things were new and intense between
you and your man. Do you remember feeling more
confident about yourself and your work? Perhaps you
recall how you were BURSTING with new ideas in every
aspect of your life.
If so, you know what Karinna means when she talks
about the link between sex and creative energy.
But this sort of energy doesn’t have to just help us
It can help us create a energy-charged relationship,
one that is MORE SATISFYING emotionally.
If you can practice the art of being fully present
during lovemaking, then you create a deepening
KINDREDNESS and union between yourself and your
partner that that takes place every time you’re
The CONSISTENCY of that experience deepens the bond
over time. This is one of the ways to create a GREAT
LOVE, the kind of love you have wanted your whole
Tip #5: The Four Critical Questions You Need To Ask
Yourself Before You Become Sexual With a Man
Some women have a common dilemma when it comes to
getting sexual with a new partner.
How do you express your sexuality and enjoy sex with
a man you just started dating without the danger of
him seeing you as only a “booty call”, good for just
sex, but not good enough to have a serious,
committed relationship with?
Most men are usually very responsive and open to any
sort of sexual advances women make, and really, no
man will want to say “no” to a woman he’s attracted
How can a woman address this challenge and fight the
stigma of being “too easy” and only good for one
I know if I were a woman, I would worry about this
Karinna says the huge mistake women make is to LEAD
a potential relationship with sexuality. This means
sleeping with a man before you know him, before you
even know if you WANT to have a relationship with
him. Sure, it’s important to allow your heart to be
open, and allow your body to be open.
But “open” means being open to the future
possibilities, it does not mean being AVAILABLE
What “openness” tells a man is that he’s dealing
with a woman who has respect for herself. What this
also does is attract a HIGH-QUALITY partner to you,
someone who will not just be a great romantic
partner, but someone who will also be a good friend
in the long run.
Ok, let’s say you think you’re ready to be intimate
for the first time. But maybe you’re still unsure.
Here are 4 questions Karinna says you should ask
1. Do you really know him?
2. Is he physically healthy? Have you gotten an
STD/AIDS test together? If they’re willing to do
that, that means they have a certain level of
commitment to you. If they refuse, that’s a good
sign they are not a responsible partner.
3. How is your self-esteem today? Has something
happened recently to make you feel more in need of
this sort of physical validation? You should be
sexual for the right reasons.
4. Are you in a “sober” state of mind? Or are you
intoxicated in some way that would prevent you from
making the right decision?
Show the man that you have an open heart, and open
mind, and an open (but not necessarily available)
body. This will attract a much more QUALITY man into
Tip #6: Learn The Art Of Giving & Receiving
One of the biggest gifts a woman can give to herself
and her partner is the ability to be a great lover.
What makes a great lover?
1. Ability to fully receive
2. Ability to fully give
3. The art of Sacred lovemaking
How do you know you have the ability to fully
receive someone into your heart? The way you RECEIVE
COMPLIMENTS actually says a lot about you and this
When someone tells you, “Wow, you look great today!”
do you find yourself replying in some variation of
“Are you kidding? I look saggy! I hardly got any
sleep last night.”
Karinna says not accepting a compliment in the form
it’s given is a way of DEFLECTING or challenging the
good feelings someone is trying to give you. Your
ability to graciously accept a compliment is a
telling indicator about your ability to RECEIVE LOVE
into your heart.
When a man gives you a compliment, and you stand
there and turn it into some negative thing about
yourself… it’s not only a let down for the man, but
it also teaches him to avoid giving you compliments
in the future.
Is this what you want to teach a man? That you don’t
want his attention, affection, or praise?
That’s why, instead of deflecting, consider
ACCEPTING the compliment and really digesting it,
absorbing it, believing it. The more you can do
that, the more open you become to receiving.
Your accepting attitude will attract MORE
compliments and positive interactions.
Tip #7: Use The Power Of Touch Even When You Hug
There is a special kind of hug that will send a
subtle signal to a man that you’re a woman who has
the capacity for the deep love he secretly craves.
This is another way that shows a man that you have
the ability to receive love with an open body and
Have you ever given someone the “cheesy pat” where
no part of your body touches the other person except
your wrist around their shoulder? Not only is that
NOT a form of receiving OR giving, it’s a good
indicator of how you REALLY feel about someone.
The kind of hug that tells a man all the right
things about you without feeling overly sexual is
one where you fully face someone, open your arms,
soften your chest and RELAX into him.
By being able to receive openly in this way will not
only make you feel more positive, but it also
creates a connection that draws people (friends AND
lovers) towards you. It creates a current of energy
that flows between you and the other person, and
compels them to give MORE.
Tip #8: Find The Key To Instantly “Center” Yourself
We all get in arguments that really make our blood
boil with the people we love. But did you know
there’s a secret place on your body to focus that’ll
help you to stay centered and find the good in an
otherwise emotionally draining situation?
Let’s imagine this scenario: you’re having a fight
with your partner, and he’s pushing all your buttons
and really disappointing you. After a yelling back
and forth he throws up his hands and tells you that
he’s sorry, he realizes he was wrong.
You probably find yourself snorting, “It’s about
time you admitted you were wrong!” because it’s so
hard to LET GO of your own pain and receive his
But what would happen if you were able to say,
“Thank you for saying that, I accept your apology,”
and MEAN it?
Here’s where Karinna shares a simple and effective
3-step technique to develop this superskill of being
graceful (and receptive) under stress and pressure.
1. Sit down, if you can, and focus on your center,
on the area just below your navel, and rest. Don’t
say anything, even though you may be tempted to
shout back or argue.
2. Breathe in as deeply as possible, imagine your
belly is a balloon you’re blowing up. Count to 3 on
the in-breath, and 3 on the out-breath.
3. Say to your partner, “I hear you.” You may not
agree, and that’s ok, you’re not saying you agree.
You hear them in your center, deeply, not just in
your heart or head where it’s reactive.
Don’t be attached to winning the argument. Winning
arguments won’t bring you happiness in the long run.
Tip #9: Be Conscious Of How, When And Why You Give
A lot of times when you THINK you’re being giving,
you’re actually bartering. Perhaps you feel
resentful that you’ve been giving for so long to
your man, and yet getting little or nothing of what
YOU need in return. So you stop giving.
Maybe you are “keeping score”, and only give when
you are given something you need or want in return.
“If you clean up around the house more, I’ll give
What are you really teaching your partner when you
do this? You are not teaching him that you are a
generous partner who can love unconditionally.
That’s because you are not willing to do the REAL
WORK of giving and loving.
Not only that, but Karinna says that a lot of women
give too much in the WRONG directions and are
“bleeding hearts”, which is very unattractive.
Instead of having an open heart, they’re MARTYRS.
No one likes being around a martyr...and certainly
no one likes to feel like one!
Here’s the number one thing Karinna says you should
do if you feel yourself sinking into a self-pity
Do things that make YOU feel joyful. Spend time with
friends or family, exercise. When you give to
yourself, you will not need to barter or be a martyr
because you will have enough love within yourself to
give, unconditionally, to others.
Speaking of giving, here are Karinna’s guidelines to
being the kind of generous woman that your partner
1. Stay centered. Don’t give too little or too much.
Strike a balance.
2. Be sensitive. Understand your partner, tune in,
and know what is the right time and how much to
give. Sometimes whatthey need is something simple
and small, but the point is that since you were
paying attention to what he REALLY wants, he will
feel more understood.
3. Be self-confident. There’s nothing worse than
being around a needy person who is always looking
for validation. Know who you are and be confident,
which in itself is a way of giving because it allows
your partner to RELAX.
4. Have courage to communicate effectively and
honestly. Examine your true feelings and motives and
be willing to tell your partner the real story.
5. Focus on what you learned from a past negative
experience. When asked about why a previous
relationship ended, too often women feel like they
get a green light to lay into their ex, spouting off
about how lousy he was and how much they suffered.
Is this really an interesting and sexy conversation
to have on a date?
I don’t think so.
As a matter of fact, this kind of negativity is a
drain on both you and the person to whom you’re
telling the story. But Karinna suggests that a
better and more giving way of both communicating and
thinking about a negative is to focus on what you
LEARNED from the experience.
Yeah, even when you don’t think you conjure up a
single good thing, there’s always this: maybe you
learned how to value yourself, or learned more about
what you want and need in a relationship, or you
feel very thankful for the opportunity to see things
The man you’re telling this to will think, wow! How
sexy and refreshing to be in a relationship with
such a giving, confident person.
Tip #10: Discover The Art of Initiating Sex
Being a sexual initiator is a skill that most men
find extremely sexy and enticing in a woman. Being
receptive to sex is one thing, and sure, men find it
sensual when a woman is receptive at the right time.
But playing the other side, ACTUALLY INITIATING sex,
is not only very sensual but keeps things exciting
and creates the kind of passionate relationship men
Many women ask Karinna how to initiate in a way that
is subtle and sexy but not overtly pushy. Let’s face
it—throwing a man on the bed and ripping his clothes
off may not be the best approach.
There is a better, more feminine way of initiating
sex that sends a subtle signal to a man that he is
welcome to then “take over” and play the masculine
Karinna suggests taking a moment when you’re
relaxing on the couch or in bed. Start by asking
open-ended questions about what sorts of things turn
him on. Follow up with a soft touch and ask, “Where
do you most like to be touched? What feels good?”
Another way may be to ask him to join you in the
shower when he comes over after work. You’re not
making an overtly sexual move, just taking him to a
place where he feels relaxed and confident that
you’re OPEN to what happens next.
Believe me, you’ll win a lot of points by
approaching your man in this super erotic way.
And finally, OWN the responsibility of being a great
lover. If you make what’s wrong all about the OTHER
person—that they’re the reason things are not
working, that they’re not giving you what you need,
and it’s all their fault—then you will never attract
what you want in your life.
Own your part and take the steps necessary to become
a great lover.
I hope you enjoyed this interview as much as I did.
Karinna shared some absolutely FANTASTIC ideas and
gave a lot of valuable insight into the “art” of
Listen to the CD several times… take some notes…
then choose 3 ideas she talked about and apply them
to your own life. I promise you you’ll start
noticing a difference IMMEDIATELY.
I’ll talk to you again soon.
These are just some of the highlights of Christian
Carters Interview with Karinna Kittles-Karston. Sign
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