Christian Carter

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Christian Carter Interviews Karinna Kittles-Karston

 “10 Powerful Tips To Become A Great Lover…And ‘Connect’ With A Man On A Physical, Emotional And Spiritual Level”

This month I had the pleasure of interviewing a special friend of mine named Karinna Kittles Karston.

Karinna is a “Love Educator,” an expert on sexuality and sensuality, and an internationally recognized speaker, author and the founder of Sacred Love, Inc. in Los Angeles, CA… but it’s her unique Eastern and Western approach to love, sex and intimacy, based on over 16 years of study that has been instrumental in helping thousands of singles and couples worldwide.

She has been a guest speaker on television shows, at universities, and has been asked to write several top national health, love, and well-being oriented magazines.

In our interview, Karinna gave incredible advice about becoming the type of lover that naturally and “magnetically” draws a man in.

Specifically, she shared amazing tips for getting into the right PHYSICAL and EMOTIONAL state that will create the kind of connection and relationship you want with a man, just by the power of your touch.

She also shared tips on what you can do RIGHT NOW to set the kind of mood that will make your lover feel magically drawn to being with you.

Hint- it’s not just about sexuality, but sensuality… and what Karinna calls the “sacred art of lovemaking.”

I learned a lot in this interview and I know you will, too. Here are some of the most valuable highlights…

Tip #1: Develop A Spiritual-Sexual Connection With Your Man

Karinna didn’t always have the natural, radiating sensuality that allowed her to have a fulfilling love life and teach others how to have one, too.

As a matter of fact, she grew up in a very conservative household that didn’t talk about sexual issues, so when she left home and became a successful international model traveling all over the world, she had a bit of a naive notion of what romance and love were supposed to be about.

It wasn’t until she began to study the Eastern arts of love with a Chinese master in New York for 8 years that she began to see how there was MORE to sexuality and connection than just the mechanics.

True fulfillment, she realized, only comes where there is a combination of sexuality and spirituality, when a person learns to integrate these two aspects into their love life. Only then can you get to a place of INNER PEACE and wellbeing with your relationship to sex.

What does that mean, exactly?

Think about it, have you ever been intimate with a man but you’re having a hard time “getting into it” because you’re worrying about tomorrow’s deadline at work or wondering if he is noticing that extra five pounds you’ve put on lately?

Have you ever wondered why the more you’re with a man, the easier it is to get distracted like that and as a result, there is less physical enjoyment for you?

Have you ever felt sexually “numb” because instead of feeling the sensations and pleasures of your partner’s body, you’re instead wondering about things that have nothing at all to do with what you are doing RIGHT NOW?

To be truly PRESENT when you are being sexual with a man means your heart, mind, body and spirit are all participating with what you are doing and feeling IN THE MOMENT. It means concentrating entirely on the person you’re with, on the sensations you’re feeling in your body, on the emotions welling up.

If you’ve ever tried “being in the moment” you know that doing that is a lot harder than it sounds.

But there is good news.

This is a skill that anyone can learn.

And, learning that skill is just the first lesson to unlocking the true, full potential in every woman to be the naturally sensual and sexual being that will enable her and her partner to ignite a SEXUAL PASSION in their relationship.



Tip #2: Getting Past Your Own Form Of “Sexual Resistance”

Karinna shared a recent success story she had with a client. She was teaching a class that engaged three simple movements based on yoga and tai chi that was supposed to help women stimulate more sensations in their bodies and hearts.

At the end of the class, one of the students came up to Karinna and excitedly confided that by the end of this lecture she had an orgasm! This was a revelation this woman, because in the year and a half that she had been married to her husband, she had not been able to feel pleasure at all. And yet, she felt instant pleasure when she did the movements during class.

Later that night she went home and had the best sex ever with her husband!

What had changed in her?

This woman probably had RESISTANCE to pleasure while engaging in sex, and yet when she did the special physical motions in the class, she did not “connect” the pleasure to sex and was able to actually enjoy the feelings in her body.

Unfortunately, many women are brought up thinking that it’s not OK to be sexual. They are fed messages that sex is “dirty” and is only something that “loose” women enjoy, and therefore is not something that should be enjoyed by women interested in a quality, long-term relationship with a man.

I have to say, this kind of misguided thinking is a disservice to both the woman AND the man!

Karinna says that women need to know and BELIEVE that sex is a natural and healthy expression, that CAN and SHOULD be enjoyed by both partners.

Tip #3: Learn How To Set the Mood

So now that we know about the importance of being fully present—mind, body and soul—in order to fully enjoy lovemaking, how do we set the mood for a fantastic and sensual experience?

Karinna suggests that first and foremost, make sure you are in EMOTIONAL HARMONY. This means making a conscious effort to set aside your anxieties, worries, stresses for that hour or longer you plan on being sexual with your partner.

It’d be hard to get “into the mood” if you are still mad that he was a half hour late for your date that night. If you have a conflict to work out, do it way before you head to the bedroom.

Also, Karinna believes that making love at different times of the day can have a stimulating and exciting result. Dusk is a particularly good chemical moment, because it is the meeting of the yin and the yang, the “masculine and feminine” in nature.

Once you’ve created a time and space for lovemaking, be intentional about it. Turn off the TV, put down that book. Lovemaking doesn’t necessarily have to be intercourse, it can be massage, kissing, even singing together.

As long as you focus together on an activity that allows energy to flow.

The bedroom should be a welcoming and sensual place where you WANT to spend time. Look around your bedroom. Is there dirty laundry strewn about, toys or books all over the floor or nightstands? Be sure to put away any distracting items, clean it up, and create that inviting, “sacred space” with candles and beautiful linens.

Oh, and Karinna warns that using those same old sheets and blankets that you used with an old partner in a previous relationship gone bad is “bad mojo”. It’ll be hard to get in the right frame of mind when you’re looking at the same flowered pillowcases you looked at for the past two years with your old boyfriend.

Instead, invest in new sheets and bring that sense of “fresh beginning”.

You’ll be amazed at how making such basic changes RIGHT NOW can create the right kind of “vibe” with your new lover.

Tip #4: Use Your Sexual Energy to Become Creative in OTHER Parts of Your Life

You might have never thought that being a sensual and fulfilled person in the bedroom can help you become more successful at work as well.

But it’s true! Sex and creativity are related because the sexual act is the act of creating a life form, so in this sense, sexuality is FULL of creativity. If you can learn to channel your sexual energy into your work, it would become much more powerful because you can then create incredible projects and have much MORE CREATIVITY. This is particularly true of creative endeavors such as art or writing.

Think back to the last great, passionate love affair you had, when things were new and intense between you and your man. Do you remember feeling more confident about yourself and your work? Perhaps you recall how you were BURSTING with new ideas in every aspect of your life.

If so, you know what Karinna means when she talks about the link between sex and creative energy.

But this sort of energy doesn’t have to just help us at work.

It can help us create a energy-charged relationship, one that is MORE SATISFYING emotionally.

If you can practice the art of being fully present during lovemaking, then you create a deepening KINDREDNESS and union between yourself and your partner that that takes place every time you’re intimate.

The CONSISTENCY of that experience deepens the bond over time. This is one of the ways to create a GREAT LOVE, the kind of love you have wanted your whole life.

Tip #5: The Four Critical Questions You Need To Ask Yourself Before You Become Sexual With a Man

Some women have a common dilemma when it comes to getting sexual with a new partner.

How do you express your sexuality and enjoy sex with a man you just started dating without the danger of him seeing you as only a “booty call”, good for just sex, but not good enough to have a serious, committed relationship with?

Most men are usually very responsive and open to any sort of sexual advances women make, and really, no man will want to say “no” to a woman he’s attracted to.

How can a woman address this challenge and fight the stigma of being “too easy” and only good for one thing?

I know if I were a woman, I would worry about this too.

Karinna says the huge mistake women make is to LEAD a potential relationship with sexuality. This means sleeping with a man before you know him, before you even know if you WANT to have a relationship with him. Sure, it’s important to allow your heart to be open, and allow your body to be open.

But “open” means being open to the future possibilities, it does not mean being AVAILABLE right now.

What “openness” tells a man is that he’s dealing with a woman who has respect for herself. What this also does is attract a HIGH-QUALITY partner to you, someone who will not just be a great romantic partner, but someone who will also be a good friend in the long run.

Ok, let’s say you think you’re ready to be intimate for the first time. But maybe you’re still unsure. Here are 4 questions Karinna says you should ask yourself FIRST:

1. Do you really know him?

2. Is he physically healthy? Have you gotten an STD/AIDS test together? If they’re willing to do that, that means they have a certain level of commitment to you. If they refuse, that’s a good sign they are not a responsible partner.

3. How is your self-esteem today? Has something happened recently to make you feel more in need of this sort of physical validation? You should be sexual for the right reasons.

4. Are you in a “sober” state of mind? Or are you intoxicated in some way that would prevent you from making the right decision?

Show the man that you have an open heart, and open mind, and an open (but not necessarily available) body. This will attract a much more QUALITY man into your life.



Tip #6: Learn The Art Of Giving & Receiving

One of the biggest gifts a woman can give to herself and her partner is the ability to be a great lover. What makes a great lover?

1. Ability to fully receive

2. Ability to fully give

3. The art of Sacred lovemaking

How do you know you have the ability to fully receive someone into your heart? The way you RECEIVE COMPLIMENTS actually says a lot about you and this ability.

When someone tells you, “Wow, you look great today!” do you find yourself replying in some variation of this:

“Are you kidding? I look saggy! I hardly got any sleep last night.”

Karinna says not accepting a compliment in the form it’s given is a way of DEFLECTING or challenging the good feelings someone is trying to give you. Your ability to graciously accept a compliment is a telling indicator about your ability to RECEIVE LOVE into your heart.

When a man gives you a compliment, and you stand there and turn it into some negative thing about yourself… it’s not only a let down for the man, but it also teaches him to avoid giving you compliments in the future.

Is this what you want to teach a man? That you don’t want his attention, affection, or praise?

That’s why, instead of deflecting, consider ACCEPTING the compliment and really digesting it, absorbing it, believing it. The more you can do that, the more open you become to receiving.

Your accepting attitude will attract MORE compliments and positive interactions.



Tip #7: Use The Power Of Touch Even When You Hug

There is a special kind of hug that will send a subtle signal to a man that you’re a woman who has the capacity for the deep love he secretly craves. This is another way that shows a man that you have the ability to receive love with an open body and heart.

Have you ever given someone the “cheesy pat” where no part of your body touches the other person except your wrist around their shoulder? Not only is that NOT a form of receiving OR giving, it’s a good indicator of how you REALLY feel about someone.

The kind of hug that tells a man all the right things about you without feeling overly sexual is one where you fully face someone, open your arms, soften your chest and RELAX into him.

By being able to receive openly in this way will not only make you feel more positive, but it also creates a connection that draws people (friends AND lovers) towards you. It creates a current of energy that flows between you and the other person, and compels them to give MORE.

Tip #8: Find The Key To Instantly “Center” Yourself

We all get in arguments that really make our blood boil with the people we love. But did you know there’s a secret place on your body to focus that’ll help you to stay centered and find the good in an otherwise emotionally draining situation?

Let’s imagine this scenario: you’re having a fight with your partner, and he’s pushing all your buttons and really disappointing you. After a yelling back and forth he throws up his hands and tells you that he’s sorry, he realizes he was wrong.

You probably find yourself snorting, “It’s about time you admitted you were wrong!” because it’s so hard to LET GO of your own pain and receive his apology.

But what would happen if you were able to say, “Thank you for saying that, I accept your apology,” and MEAN it?

Here’s where Karinna shares a simple and effective 3-step technique to develop this superskill of being graceful (and receptive) under stress and pressure.

1. Sit down, if you can, and focus on your center, on the area just below your navel, and rest. Don’t say anything, even though you may be tempted to shout back or argue.

2. Breathe in as deeply as possible, imagine your belly is a balloon you’re blowing up. Count to 3 on the in-breath, and 3 on the out-breath.

3. Say to your partner, “I hear you.” You may not agree, and that’s ok, you’re not saying you agree. You hear them in your center, deeply, not just in your heart or head where it’s reactive.

Don’t be attached to winning the argument. Winning arguments won’t bring you happiness in the long run.



Tip #9: Be Conscious Of How, When And Why You Give Or Withhold

A lot of times when you THINK you’re being giving, you’re actually bartering. Perhaps you feel resentful that you’ve been giving for so long to your man, and yet getting little or nothing of what YOU need in return. So you stop giving.

Maybe you are “keeping score”, and only give when you are given something you need or want in return.

“If you clean up around the house more, I’ll give more sex.”

Sound familiar?

What are you really teaching your partner when you do this? You are not teaching him that you are a generous partner who can love unconditionally. That’s because you are not willing to do the REAL WORK of giving and loving.

Not only that, but Karinna says that a lot of women give too much in the WRONG directions and are “bleeding hearts”, which is very unattractive. Instead of having an open heart, they’re MARTYRS.

No one likes being around a martyr...and certainly no one likes to feel like one!

Here’s the number one thing Karinna says you should do if you feel yourself sinking into a self-pity party: REFUEL.

Do things that make YOU feel joyful. Spend time with friends or family, exercise. When you give to yourself, you will not need to barter or be a martyr because you will have enough love within yourself to give, unconditionally, to others.

Speaking of giving, here are Karinna’s guidelines to being the kind of generous woman that your partner will appreciate:

1. Stay centered. Don’t give too little or too much. Strike a balance.

2. Be sensitive. Understand your partner, tune in, and know what is the right time and how much to give. Sometimes whatthey need is something simple and small, but the point is that since you were paying attention to what he REALLY wants, he will feel more understood.

3. Be self-confident. There’s nothing worse than being around a needy person who is always looking for validation. Know who you are and be confident, which in itself is a way of giving because it allows your partner to RELAX.

4. Have courage to communicate effectively and honestly. Examine your true feelings and motives and be willing to tell your partner the real story.

5. Focus on what you learned from a past negative experience.  When asked about why a previous relationship ended, too often women feel like they get a green light to lay into their ex, spouting off about how lousy he was and how much they suffered. Is this really an interesting and sexy conversation to have on a date?

I don’t think so.

As a matter of fact, this kind of negativity is a drain on both you and the person to whom you’re telling the story. But Karinna suggests that a better and more giving way of both communicating and thinking about a negative is to focus on what you LEARNED from the experience.

Yeah, even when you don’t think you conjure up a single good thing, there’s always this: maybe you learned how to value yourself, or learned more about what you want and need in a relationship, or you feel very thankful for the opportunity to see things clearer.

The man you’re telling this to will think, wow! How sexy and refreshing to be in a relationship with such a giving, confident person.



Tip #10: Discover The Art of Initiating Sex

Being a sexual initiator is a skill that most men find extremely sexy and enticing in a woman. Being receptive to sex is one thing, and sure, men find it sensual when a woman is receptive at the right time. But playing the other side, ACTUALLY INITIATING sex, is not only very sensual but keeps things exciting and creates the kind of passionate relationship men long for.

Many women ask Karinna how to initiate in a way that is subtle and sexy but not overtly pushy. Let’s face it—throwing a man on the bed and ripping his clothes off may not be the best approach.

There is a better, more feminine way of initiating sex that sends a subtle signal to a man that he is welcome to then “take over” and play the masculine role.

Karinna suggests taking a moment when you’re relaxing on the couch or in bed. Start by asking open-ended questions about what sorts of things turn him on. Follow up with a soft touch and ask, “Where do you most like to be touched? What feels good?”

Another way may be to ask him to join you in the shower when he comes over after work. You’re not making an overtly sexual move, just taking him to a place where he feels relaxed and confident that you’re OPEN to what happens next.

Believe me, you’ll win a lot of points by approaching your man in this super erotic way.

And finally, OWN the responsibility of being a great lover. If you make what’s wrong all about the OTHER person—that they’re the reason things are not working, that they’re not giving you what you need, and it’s all their fault—then you will never attract what you want in your life.

Own your part and take the steps necessary to become a great lover.

I hope you enjoyed this interview as much as I did. Karinna shared some absolutely FANTASTIC ideas and gave a lot of valuable insight into the “art” of sensuality.

Listen to the CD several times… take some notes… then choose 3 ideas she talked about and apply them to your own life. I promise you you’ll start noticing a difference IMMEDIATELY.


I’ll talk to you again soon.


Your Friend,
Christian Carter
 

These are just some of the highlights of Christian Carters Interview with Karinna Kittles-Karston. Sign yourself up now by clicking here to get Christian Carter's Catch Him and Keep Him eBook and Interview Series subscription.