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Nice Guys vs. Bad Boys -
Who Do You Love?
You're about to spend the most useful 5 minutes
you've ever spent on improving your future love life.
Read this...
There's something I want you to do that I KNOW will
improve your natural ability to read into a man's
behavior and his mind.
And learning to do this homework could mean the
difference between being
HAPPY & IN-LOVE or LONELY & SINGLE.
Whoa... that's pretty intense - I'll tone it
down for a sec and give you something to take your
mind to off some of the potential negative stuff that
you might be thinking about here...
Did you see the final Sex and the City episode where
Carrie went to Paris with her lover?
Carrie's in Paris with her boyfriend and begins
to wonder if she made the right decision to move away
with this man who, deep down inside, she know's doesn't
want the same type of life and relationship she does.
As she makes this realization, her ex, “Big”,
has flown to Paris from New York looking to reconcile
with his lost love after realizing his undying love
for Carrie.
And of course, as with all good TV, the two find
each other by luck and fate, and Big finally professes
his love.
Talk about romantic, intense, suspenseful and full
of great drama!
Ok, I thought that might do the trick to warm you
back up.
So what does the story of Carrie's love life have to
do with YOUR love life?
More than you might think - but we'll get to that.
That's why this week I'm giving you a short homework
assignment - and this is what could be the most valuable
5 minutes you'll ever spend on your love life:
I need you to think about one of the first things
I recognized about women way back in junior high -
it's something I still see it today in our “grown-up”
dating world.
Why don't women pick the right guys?
Or even more to the point - why do women pick all
the wrong guys?
If you've had your heart broken, been cheated on,
or find yourself giving everything you've got inside,
to get little or nothing in return, then you know what
I'm talking about.
****Right Now****
Take 5 minutes of time to yourself.
Tune the rest of the world out for just these 5 minutes.
Now, think about each of these questions for a minute
or two each:
1. What is it about “bad boys” or men that aren't
“available” that is attractive to women? And to you?
2. Have you ever dated a guy even though you knew
he was a “bad boy” - or found out soon into things?
3. Is there a “nice guy” in your life who would make a
great companion but you're not attracted to or share a
“connection” with?
Don't cheat yourself...
Stop, go back, make sure you take at least 5
minutes of time and think about just these questions...
(Trust me - it's AMAZING what you can actually learn
about the world and yourself if you take a few minutes
of silence to think just about ONE THING at a time. It's
maybe the BEST thing I ever started doing for myself!)
I'll give you some more time...
Ok, so you've thought about it. Let's share our
thoughts and compare notes.
*As a quick inside reminder:
This exercise is all about actively improving
your ability to know what a good man looks like
for YOU and to help you pick ONLY the right men now
and in the future.
Picking the wrong men can get you in all kinds of
painful trouble it's hard to get free of.
But for some reason, women don't want the guys who
are probably better relationship and love companions.
I'm not going to give you ALL the answers right now,
but I'm going to lead you to finding the answers for
yourself - as it's a much more effective way of learning.
So.... I'm gonna address the last question first
about “nice guys”.
A friend of mine sent me an article that was on AOL
entitled “What's Wrong With Nice Guys?”. Here's a little
quote from the article:
“...Do Women Date Naughty Guys but Marry Nice Ones?”
This notion sounds an awful lot like the irritating
good-girl/bad-girl distinction that men continue to
make. Still, it does contain a nugget of sense. Since
women truly are conditioned to be “good girls,” sometimes
we feel uncomfortable with or guilty about that pure
burning “I must have him!” feeling. That's why we
sometimes seek out a bad boy to serve as the object
of these desires, says Cleveland psychotherapist
Belleruth Naparstek, creator of the Health Journeys
series of guided imagery tapes. “In order for the
deliciousness of pure lust to be 'okay,' it has to be
for the symbolic bad boy who has nothing to do with
the rest of your life. With him, you can crank up your
animal impulses, worry-free,” she says...
Interesting, huh?
My friend who sent it to me disagrees with the
idea that women seek out “bad boys” because they
need somewhere to project their guilty lust, and I agree.
I disagree that there's something “wrong” with
the fact that women are attracted to “bad boys”...
My friend also made the point that the “mainstream”
psychology and behavior world is starting to accept
the idea that women are attracted to “bad boys”.
There's something to the idea that woman don't
feel that powerful GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION for “nice guys”
who chase after them, dote on them and kiss up to them.
A woman might LIKE the experience of the “nice guy”
doing nice things, but it doesn't CREATE attraction
or a connection with the woman.
Ever.
Trust me, I know men who are the “nice guy” all
the time |
