Coach Rori Raye

Dating Advice for Women - Commitment Fear


YOU Be the Girl!
Don't Be His Friend!
Are You Obsessed?
Commitment Fear
Become Magnetic!
Emotional Affairs
How to Do Intimacy

















If your man says "I'm just not ready for a serious relationship..." ...It's not what he says it is, and it's not what you think. If you're feeling stuck, desperate, lonely, and think you only have two options - to either leave him or stay and hope things get better - there's another way.

If you're feeling hopeless that there'll ever be a man out there for you - you actually have all the hope in the world. You can quickly learn to draw a man toward you who you've never even met - without games, without strategy, without thinking about it or working at it at all. In fact, it's just the opposite.


Think about it. What would it be like to be a woman who has the man and the relationship you want? If you want to be married, bingo - you're married.

If you want a new date every night, you have that. So, what's the common quality these women who seem to have it so easy in relationships have? Beauty? No....looks mean very little when it comes to attracting and keeping men.

Brains (or lack of them)? No we all have ideas about whether men are intimidated by smart and successful women, and it just isn't true. The truth is - men don't care about specifics. How about CONFIDENCE? Well, yes, we all are attracted to confident people, but there are plenty of men out there who feel attracted even when women are very shy, so....What's left? MEN LOVE AUTHENTICITY.

Across the board, men respond to women who are REAL - women who are comfortable being themselves regardless of where they are. Men TRUST a woman who doesn't suddenly change into another kind of person the moment she's with a man - and that's what most men (the kind of desirable man we want, for sure) experience often with us women when we're feeling insecure and needy (even if we try to hide it).

Well - this sounds easy. It's easy to say - "Just be yourself!" But who, exactly, is yourself? If a man who initially came on strong now is pulling away, what happened? If a man you went out with - who seemed to you to be attracted to you, and having a great time with you - doesn't call for another date, what happened?

Well, there are many things going on here. Some of them have to do with the man, his issues, and things we can't "fix," and some of them are things we actually CAN change, and the trick is in being able to tell which is which and learning the skills to make the switch.

A simple truth is that some men just aren't worth your time. We may be attracted to them mightily, we may want them to be Mr. Right, and if we've invested months, or even years in hoping the relationship would work out and he'd finally change - or finally commit - we may be terrified of walking away.

And some men seem worth a huge effort. They're so great, we want to show them everything we've got - all our beauty, brains, talent, sexiness, fun. We want to give love and affection to them, we want to be available. And some men are really great, but we don't know it. We can't see it. They're not "our type." They don't fit the profile.

We like them, but "the chemistry just isn't there." So, what's the answer? MEN FEEL COMPELLED TO BE WITH A WOMAN WHO IS VULNERABLE. They are attracted to, and commit themselves to women who are strong enough on the inside to allow themselves to be vulnerable on the outside.

They are attracted to, and commit themselves to women who are strong enough on the inside to not have to spend all their energy working to keep a relationship going. They commit themselves to women who seem to them to be "special." They commit themselves to women who, instead of giving all the time, know how to RECEIVE what a man gives.

They fall in love with women who make them feel like men. TO BE THIS SPECIAL WOMAN...We have to Stop doing what doesn't work. Here's how you start STOPPING:

First, whatever's going on - especially if you can feel him pulling away - take a step back.

What you want is to get far enough back so you can actually "feel" what's going on.

Most likely, what's going on is that you're working too hard. You're trying to avoid feeling the fear we women all feel about intimacy, authenticity, and commitment by playing BOTH parts in the relationship - yours and his!

If you're spending energy trying to make a man who isn't worth your time "seem" worth your time, you can't even SEE the man. All you see is your hopes that he'll change. And when you meet a man who's really great, you may be pushing him away by overdoing everything, by trying to "think" your way through the relationship, by always working on figuring out what he's thinking, instead of focusing on how YOU FEEL!

And when you meet a man you like, who is financially stable, attractive, kind, and treats you like a queen, you may be so unfamiliar with that kind of treatment that the "chemistry" part doesn't quite kick in instantly. And so you write him off, or give him only a half-hearted chance.

IF HE'S PULLING AWAY... It's not because he's afraid. Even if he tells you he is. If he was attracted to you from the beginning, he wants it to work. He'd like to stay attracted to you. No matter why he's pulling away, he'll begin to come toward you once you do two things. The first thing is to step back.

If you step back, you'll be giving him room to move toward you. Stepping back means stopping everything you do now that you would consider to be "giving" to him. The second thing you have to do is become even more authentic and allow yourself to be more vulnerable. This seems, you say, to be exactly what everyone else is telling me NOT to do!

Your friends are telling you to "act" a certain way, to pretend you don't care, to do or say all kinds of things to get him to commit or come closer to you. They tell you men "hate feelings." And they're wrong. Pretending ANYTHING is a big mistake. Pretending is something men just can't stand. This is why trying to look confident when you don't feel confident doesn't work. This is why pretending you don't care, when really it's eating at you, doesn't work.

So how do you allow yourself to be vulnerable and authentic, when you feel like a confused, angry pile of insecurities? You do it by learning how to SHARE your feelings without making HIM responsible to fix them for you. You do it by focusing on yourself, and not on him. You do it by slowly, actually becoming more confident by treating yourself like a queen.

You do it by talking to him from your heart, in words that he can not only hear, but which draw him in. You do it by letting there be silences in the conversation, by saying clearly what you don't want and won't tolerate, and by not doing his work in the relationship for him. You do it by stopping moving toward him, and allowing him the room to move toward you. You do it slowly, by actually trusting him.

To start, try this: If you sense your man pulling away in small ways - by going right to the TV and ignoring you, or by forgetting to call, or by always wanting you to come to him, and hardly ever making an effort to be with you - step back! Find something interesting of your own to do, leave him to his TV and go do what feels good to you - read a magazine, do your nails, take a walk.

Don't say anything about what HE'S doing, focus instead on what YOU'RE doing that feels good to YOU. Don't wonder about what HE'S thinking, focus instead on what YOU'RE feeling. Practice this about small things, and then move to bigger things. Get into the mindset of being far enough away so that HE can come to YOU. Now - This isn't about trying to MAKE HIM come to you. It's about simply giving him the room to move toward you.

This means you enjoy your own apartment and prefer to be there, doing the things you love doing, so he'll have the room to come to you. This means not calling him often, so he'll have the room to discover how much he misses talking with you and call you. This means not PRETENDING to step back.

This means REALLY stepping back because you no longer enjoy working so hard at the relationship. This means giving up wanting control over his behavior, and instead, taking control of your own emotional life.

A man will almost instantly get that he's no longer the complete focus of your life, your emotions, and your world, and, if he's a good man, he'll be intrigued enough to begin to move closer to you. Let me know every step you take - even the small ones are huge successes!

Love, Rori

If you've already downloaded my Have The Relationship You Want e-book, work through it. If you'd like to get it now, Click Here.

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