|
Up
YOU Be the Girl!
Don't Be His Friend!
Are You Obsessed?
Commitment Fear
Become Magnetic!
Emotional Affairs
How to Do Intimacy
|
How To Do Intimacy Even If You're Afraid (We All
Are)
By Rori Raye
It's possible that most of us have never known true
intimacy from the moment we came into the world.
We've been labeled, taught, cajoled and prodded,
been threatened by all forms of authority, told
what's true and what isn't, and disrespected for
everything from our feelings to our thoughts.
Our relationships have been more about pleasing
others than pleasing ourselves.
More about struggling and using our wits to get what
we need and what we think we want than discovering
what it is we really want.
Sometimes we need someone else to tell us that it's
okay to want what we want.
Sometimes we only accidentally discover that the
person we really are, warts and all, underneath all
the masks and games we've learned to put between
ourselves and others, is truly loveable.
It can change our lives forever, or remain a lost
opportunity forever.
Someone sees us -- really sees us -- in a moment of
accidental abandon and their heart fills up with
love for us.
We deny this possibility and push that someone away
because we so don't believe we are loveable.
Does this sound like you?
It's most all of us.
We can't, or won't get close enough to someone who
may very well be our soulmate because we've never
done it.
We don't know how.
When I was an actor, I did not have access to my
emotions.
I could pretend fairly well, and it got me far --I
could laugh nearly anytime, but I was completely
detached from my anger and pain.
An actor friend told me -- "fake it til you make
it."
Meaning, if I pounded the table hard enough and long
enough with my fist, I'd feel angry.
If I hit my hand with a hammer over and over again,
I'd feel pain.
I'd probably cry.
I use some of this "fake it til you make it"
philosophy in teaching women how to express
themselves.
Sometimes, just not saying or doing something can
trigger the real stuff.
Sometimes, just not saying or doing something you've
always done in the same situation will change the
dynamic of your relationship forever.
Trust creeps in, in small ways.
Intimacy takes hold in the spaces between words.
Not speaking not from your heart leaves room for
speaking from your heart.
The next time you're tempted to tell your man what
to do, even though you know how to do it better than
he does--stop yourself.
Stop talking.
See what happens.
So what do you do when you've stopped talking?
How do you communicate anything?
The simple answer is to use an "I feel" message.
This sounds easy.
In a book, it would sound easy.
But it's probably something you don't really have
words for.
Starting with "I feel" is the perfect start, but
what then?
Go with what's really there.
Feel the floor under your feet.
Feel the table in front of you.
Feel your heart beat, you're stomach gurgle, the
tightness in your chest that's there because you're
mad, or upset, or frustrated, or giddy, and you
don't know what to say.
Feel the most concrete, real, simple thing you can,
and say that.
Just saying, "I'm hungry" is better than "Let's go
to that little Italian place, okay?"
This is a game, you say.
No, it isn't.
It's the missing link.
The missing piece that we never learned as children.
We learned how to get along, how to influence
others, how to look and do good, but we never
learned how to even make contact with what we really
feel, much less ever said it simply.
A woman who can say what she feels, simply,
directly, passionately, with energy and conviction
or matter-of-factness will find her soulmate in
record time.
And there will be nothing to stop him from grabbing
her and running with it.
What Tom Cruise does publicly over Katie Holmes is
not bad, or weird, or bizarre.
It's the way men are supposed to behave when they're
in love -- only we've all forgotten.
We're all embarrassed.
We're all afraid of intimacy.
What would happen if we behaved as if we weren't?
Let me show you all the ways in which you can be
happy and thrive in your relationship.
The Have the Relationship
You Want FREE NEWSLETTER is packed with tools
and advice to help you connect to your man, inspire
his love and devotion, and finally have the
relationship you want...starting today!
Simply fill in your name and email at the link below
and start learning the tools that will show you how
to get MORE out of your relationship by doing LESS.
Your information is kept confidential and there is
no obligation... just valuable, free advice:
Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook
Download
In her Have The Relationship You Want
eBook, Rori
Raye teaches any woman the secret of how to quickly
stop the pain and frustration in her love life and
get exactly the romance, affection, attention and
love she really wants (and deserves!).
Rori's Tools will help you attract a man instead of
accidentally pushing him away, no matter how
uncertain things feel right now.
|
