Up Get Him Back Nice Guys or Bad Boys? Relationship Success Why Is he Distant? Why He Doesn't Call Create Attraction Why Men Leave

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Why Men Leave After The
“Honeymoon” Is Over
Hey there,
I'm about to tell you something about love that tons
of men are going to be angry at me for saying...
I'll be “letting the cat out of the bag” with what
lots of men REALLY think and feel when it comes to
lasting love and relationships.
And why they're so often afraid of it, or just bad
at being in one.
But, let me ask you something first:
Have you ever been in love?
I'm not talking about the “obsessive-psycho-
can't-stop-calling-him-jealous-of-his-girlfriend-
think-you're-getting-married-and-he-barely-knows-
your-name“ love.
Sorry, you're on your own there...lol
There's a term for that - a “bunny-boiler”, like in
that movie Fatal Attraction.
No, that's NOT the love I'm talking about.
I'm talking about the kind of love where you and a
man connect and feel for each other on such a deep
level that it's shared in all kinds of generous and
intense ways.
And did you know there's a secret to love?
A secret that can help a man get rid of his fears of
commitment and turn around his inability to share
his affection and deeper feelings with you?
Well, there is.
I'll get to exactly what the secret is later in this
email.
But think about this...
The reality is, most people have no real-world idea
of how love is encouraged, begins, evolves, and
sometimes fades away.
We just know how it makes us feel and that we really
want it.
I might sound cynical, but I think that how most
people react to the other person in their love life
is more like an “emotional stop light” than anything
else.
Stop. (red)
Slow down or speed up. (yellow)
Go. (green)
But our feelings, motivations and “inner-
psychology” aren't wired this way.
When it comes to love and its complex effect on our
mind and body, there's a whole lot more to it.
So using the behavioral and emotional equivalent of
a stop light isn't going to cut it when you're
looking to create a loving and lasting situation.
Here's where I'm going with this...
If you take the time to learn about what love
actually is to our minds and bodies, and more
specifically how men perceive and experience love,
then your odds of success (happiness and
fulfillment) go WAY up.
So let's get started.
THE MAGIC OF THE “HONEYMOON STAGE”
There are a few stages to love.
The first, and by far the favorite, is the honeymoon
stage we all know about.
As I see it, the honeymoon stage is basically 50 to
100 times LESS important than any other stage
because it's where all relationships start and
thrive.
But a majority of relationships start falling apart
or end once the honeymoon is over.
For lots of couples, love starts out as an intense
“can't-be-apart-stay-up-all-night-
talking-and-touching” experience.
When you're in love, you probably think about the
guy ALL the time and want to spend every possible
moment with him.
And you and your guy share an intense connection.
The chemistry is so thick you could cut it with a
knife.
And the world, people, colors, smells... everything
seems brighter.
The attraction level is unbelievable.
The honeymoon stage does some crazy things to your
body too.
Here are a few of the “Love Symptoms” that come with
these chemicals in the honeymoon stage:
- heightened awareness (your senses) - reduced
appetite - increased heart rate - increased energy
level - an increase in your sex drive - feelings of
euphoria (intense happiness) Actually, I'm kinda
feeling this way right now after my third cup of
coffee here at Starbucks.
Anyway...
So that's the first stage of love we all know about,
want to be in, and want to keep going.
It's no wonder that the honeymoon stage is often the
easy part.
But there's a simple and unpleasant fact about the
honeymoon stage...
If you don't know what's going on with a man in each
stage of love, and what you're doing and how he
perceives it, all the great parts of the honeymoon
stage won't last forever.
WHAT MEN THINK ONCE THE HONEYMOON IS OVER
I get emails everyday from women wanting to know how
they can “get back” to where things were when things
started with a man.
They remember how things used to be and wonder why
they can't be that way now.
So they ask themselves...
“Why is he so distant?”
“Why doesn't he share his feelings anymore?”
“Why don't I feel close to him, and why am I not
getting my emotional and other needs met like I used
to?”
So why is this so common to so many women?
I've recognized what a big part of it is.
CHANGE.
When things are good, or more to the point,
comfortable or predictable in our lives, we DON'T
like the idea of change... at all.
In any relationship, after the initial attraction,
mystery, intrigue, etc. passes and the honeymoon
slows, guess what?
Things start to change inside a relationship.
Whether you like it, or not.
And both the man and the woman are responsible to
know how to see it, think about it and deal with it.
And here's where TONS of women run into a whole set
of COUNTERPRODUCTIVE thoughts and SELF- DESTRUCTIVE
behaviors.
They get caught up in an almost hopeless battle to
try and prolong the honeymoon stage and the ease by
which they could connect and share with the man.
Especially when they don't see that the man is
noticing or making the same efforts that they are.
This usually shows up with things like the following
(tell me if any of these sound familiar?):
Noticing that a man isn't as attentive or
affectionate anymore, so you pull back to see if
he'll notice and close the gap, but he doesn't and
so you withdraw, leaving nothing but distance
between the two of you
Trying to CONVINCE a man to FEEL some way or act
some way he used to or you want him to, which of
course doesn't work because you can't “logically”
make someone FEEL an EMOTION, and it all ends up
backfiring as he sees you as needy or “nagging” and
pulls away more
You start “trading” him for the normal caring things
any couple should do for each other. You only act
open or affectionate if he does something first. You
only initiate things physically if he does something
first, etc. The list goes on...
Recognize anything here?
Well, unfortunately, these common behaviors actually
work as a special high-grade form of “man-repellent”
in a relationship.
When men sense the emotionally uneasy feeling these
create, they most often do one thing with a woman...
WITHDRAW.
And they start their own weird emotional versions of
the same kinds of destructive and distance-creating
behaviors.
The truth is, every woman is going to go through
situations that are going to make her want to react
in these COUNTERPRODUCTIVE ways.
But there is a better way...
THE DANGEROUS SECRET OF MEN IN LOVE
So what comes after the honeymoon stage?
And how can a woman stay close and connected with a
man so they both transition into the next stage
together and enjoy it?
And why do so many relationships fall flat during
this time?
The next stage in our emotional love cycle is what
scientists have called the “bonding stage”.
This second set of feelings and experiences are the
“settle-down-raise-a-family-spend-time-
cuddling-watching-movies-together” ones.
They're all about bonding, attachment, comfort and
more long term stuff.
I've been thinking about one big important question
that I know tons of women want to know about which
relates to this.
We all know that lots of men can have a hard time
staying connected and close to a woman after the
honeymoon.
When the intense physical attraction changes and
things become more “emotionally involved”.
Lots of times they'll become distant, boring,
unpassionate, lazy, or ever worse...
Unfaithful.
Yikes.
With all this going on, the question is...
* Once you have love, how do you make it last?
Here's where I'm going tell you the secret that most
women don't know about men and love.
And it has to do with keeping things going strong
once “the honeymoon stage” is over.
Men have a dark secret they won't tell you about on
their views of love.
And for most men, they couldn't even tell you if
they wanted to, because they don't even know it
about themselves...
It's also something that most women can't understand
about men.
I know you've wondered about it in the past and even
said it to yourself.
Well, you were right.
Most men know about 1,000 times less than you do
about real lasting love.
About communicating about love, experiencing it,
sharing it, feeling it intensely, keeping it
going... all of it.
And hey, maybe that wasn't such a secret to you...
but you're finally hearing it from the horse's
mouth. (a man)
Seriously though - we men can be idiots when it
comes to being open and close with our partners in
long term relationships.
We don't understand some of the things that seem
natural, intuitive and obvious to most women.
And we often stop paying attention to the important
aspects of a relationship, including consistency in
communication, affection, honesty, you name it.
I see it all around me, and sometimes within myself
too, as a man.
But the reality is that this is just the tip of the
iceberg.
Here's the thing...
Some men weren't brought up with a real clear idea
of what else there is to love besides passion, sex,
social status and maybe having a family.
Which leads me to another secret about men in
love...
Deep down, men expect love to stay in the “honeymoon
stage”.
Think about it.
For lots of men, the honeymoon stage IS the only
part of love they've ever even thought about or
identified as being something they really truly
want.
I'm talking about the chemistry, the attention and
the ATTRACTION here that so often drives men CRAZY
and has them acting in ways they'd be embarrassed
for their guy friends to know about.
That's why, for so many men, when the “honeymoon
stuff” isn't new anymore, they think love and
passion have all but disappeared.
And the truth is, for lots of men, they don't know
what else love is about... so they start to think
that maybe this really isn't what they thought it
was.
Men at this stage often say things like:
“I guess she's NOT the one.”
Or...
“I love her, but I'm not IN LOVE with her
anymore...”
Or...
“She's not the person she used to be when we met,
and that 'spark' is gone.”
A LOT of this can be chocked up to the fact that the
man AND the woman aren't feeling all the intense
honeymoon “stuff” anymore.
And less mature, non-committal men plain DON'T KNOW
what is “supposed” to happen, and how it works as
love moves into the bonding stage.
They often end up making terrible or disappointing
boyfriends or companions.
Scary, huh?
WHAT CREATES A LASTING CONNECTION WITH A MAN -
BEYOND THE “HONEYMOON STAGE”
There's something FASCINATING that I recognized a
few years back as I was studying and observing
behaviors inside relationships.
Some women actually had an EASY time in
relationships with men, while other women NEVER did,
no matter what they tried.
In other words...
Being close, committed, passionate, intimate- these
were all relatively simple and almost effortless for
some women to have in a relationship.
While other women had to fight, argue and STRUGGLE
just to try and share the things they felt, were
“the basics” in any relationship.
Here's the thing...
The women I knew who were the most successful at
finding and creating what they wanted in their love
lives with men all had a few KEY TRAITS or “habits”
in common.
In other words, there are several specific actions
and behaviors that these women do inside
relationships that make a man FEEL close and deeply
CONNECTED to them.
After studying these things that some women do, and
others don't do with men, I've boiled them down to
two basic “relationship skills̶.
And these two things directly relate to wheth1er a
woman will have a strong, close and secure
connection or “bond” with a man beyond the honeymoon
stage...
Or if the man will start to question everything
about the woman he's with and their relationship,
and close off.
1. THINKING AND COMMUNICATING WITH A MAN IN HIS
“EMOTIONAL CONTEXT”
I learned something that works in every area of life
by studying love and relationships.
People who are great with people and relationships
tend to communicate in a way that is targeted or
aimed at the OTHER PERSON'S point of view,
experience, and level of understanding.
Translation: if you want to really connect with a
man, then HIS LEVEL of "“emotional awareness”
becomes YOUR CONTEXT for conversations about love
and relationships.
Otherwise, he's not going to “get” or respond to
anything you're talking about.
And everything you say and do to try and get him to
understand you, and make him feel or act
differently, will BACKFIRE.
And he'll become MORE DISTANT and LESS OPEN to
communicating and understanding YOU.
And yeah, I get that a man SHOULD get most of this
stuff that you probably already do about love and a
relationship if he's in one with you-
But if he doesn't... don't make the FATAL MISTAKE
tons of women make here by trying to CONVINCE him of
what you know and feel, to be what he needs to think
and feel also.
Assume a man has no idea of where you're coming from
when you talk to him about something you'd like to
be different in your relationship.
Let me teach you a trick I learned by watching women
who are great at communicating with men in
relationships...
An easy way to get in touch with his level of
awareness and where he's at, is to ask him what he
thinks about the relationships of the couples you
both know.
You can learn a TON about how a man thinks about
dating and relationships this way...
And learn how to approach him and communicate with
him as a result.
2. EMOTIONAL “INVESTING” (NOT SPENDING)
A while back in my life, I started looking at
relationships more like investments in people,
instead of a way to get a pay-off for myself.
Investing usually means that you give up something
big to get a little back consistently over time.
In other words, you don't expect an immediate,
greater or equal return for what you're putting in.
It has become the Golden Rule that I've learned
about people and relationships that helps keep me
happy and sane:
“You'll always give more than you'll get - but it
doesn't “cost” you anything to give... so keep
giving without any immediate expectation.”
So yeah, I'm saying for you to be the person to make
things happen.
Take the fate of your love life into your own hands.
Be generous, take action, surprise him and be
spontaneous instead of waiting for him to do it with
you.
I know this can be tough and frustrating.
If you're like most people, then you want someone to
just “get you” and give you the kind of love and
attention you crave.
But if you can separate what you want from what it
takes to create it, you'll find that doing these
things will get you RESULTS.
And you'll see that doing the things THAT WORK can
be like magic with a man...
If you know what they are.
If you learn to trigger the responses and feelings
that make a man feel MORE than physical attraction,
and instead feel a deeper, more EMOTIONAL
ATTRACTION, men can instantly become more open
partners and lovers than they ever were before.
And here's the best part...
These effects can LAST - if you know how to keep
these interactions going.
There's a way to share with a man, that won't
frustrate you, leave you feeling unappreciated and
left doing all the work.
It might seem like it sometimes, but you don't have
to “carry all the weight” in a relationship with a
man just to be close and loving.
In fact, this is a HUGE MISTAKE tons of women can't
keep themselves from making.
But, if you want things to be different and easier
in the LONG TERM, then you're going to have to learn
what to do, and when to do it, when it comes to men
and dating.
The BEST way to figure this out is to start
understanding and identifying the signals and
behaviors men send out.
Reading these signals, and knowing exactly what to
expect in each critical situation from first date to
a real commitment, can let you grow together from
stage to stage smoothly and without conflict or the
insecurity of uncertainty.
My eBook, “Catch Him And Keep Him” talks about how
men act in each one of the different stages of
dating and relationships, and what their behavior
means at each critical moment.
It will give you REAL WORLD insights into what men
think and feel, and what you can and need to expect,
in the following areas:
- First dates - Sharing deeper emotions and feelings
- Getting physical or intimate - Having “the talk” -
Working out relationship “issues” - Creating a
spoken and lasting commitment You can learn to spot
the “silent” or indirect signals men send out about
what they're thinking and what they're really
looking for.
You might not see it now, but a man wants you to
understand these signals and “get” him.
Especially if you're going to have a serious
relationship that LASTS.
But you can only do this IF you know what to look
for.
If you want to learn more about how to keep the
powerful and emotionally addictive feelings of the
honeymoon stage going after the honeymoon is over,
and how to turn that into a lasting connection and
relationship - then check out my ebook.
There's an entire section on the “psychology of men”
when it comes to attraction, and how and why a man
will commit to a long term relationship, or NOT.
After looking through literally thousands of books
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LAST.
If you learned just ONE thing that got you on your
way to creating a happier and more love filled
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I'd say so.
In fact, I'm so sure that my ebook will DRAMATICALLY
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I'm going to let you check out my eBook FREE for 7
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Read it, think about it, use it, try it out, and dig
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If not, just let me know and you won't be charged
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You literally have nothing to lose here -
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Best of luck in life and love and I'll talk to you
again soon.
Your Friend,
Christian Carter
©Copyright 2010, Catch Him Inc. All
Rights Reserved. Copyright materials used by
permission. “Catch Him And Keep Him” and
“Christian Carter” are trademarks of Catch Him Inc.
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