Christian Carter

Catch Him and Keep Him




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The Secret To Being Irresistible To Any Man


















Be Comfortable As a Woman (In Chapter 2)

After talking closely with hundreds of women, listening to the issues and experiences they have had and reading the amazing emails I receive about women’s frustrations and insecurities in their relationships, I’ve recognized something valuable. To end up where they want to be in their love life and in their relationships these women need to:

• Accept that it’s OK to have the feelings they have

• Accept that it’s OK to want what they want from any relationship and that they should be honest about it no matter what

• Recognize that a relationship will not make them happy or “whole” as a person

Accepting and realizing these things is easier said than done, so I’ve included some exercises later in the book to help on that level. (Check out sections in Part 2, specifically Chapters 4 and 6.)

But WHY is it important for a woman to accept these things?

Well, it’s important because after years of working with men and women I’ve seen a negative judgment (or stereotype) of women that is pervasive among many men. Men assume women depend on them for emotional, social, and physical validation. It’s a chauvinistic bias that is often reinforced in men’s lives by their single friends, peers, television, etc.

I call this negative female stereotype the “Helpless Woman Myth.” You can see it when you hear men talk about women and relationships—they have this negative tone and subtly imply that women are clingy and seek security through men. As for relationships, men talk as if a woman will be taking something away from him if he goes out with her or commits to her. It’s as though the man will somehow lose all his control, freedom, and masculinity.

What I’ve discovered from my studies is that these men are THREATENED by a woman’s own emotional awareness and her ability to attune to people’s emotions and empathize on a very basic human level. Women have a natural skill, intuition, and intelligence that give them an amazing capacity for love and caring. Men, more often, lack these natural abilities and the tools to be more emotionally aware. Instead, some men put down or ridicule the emotional world women see and experience because these men can’t comprehend a woman’s emotional state.

Since men surely don’t hold the upper hand with intelligence in the emotional and intuitive world, they cast down emotional intelligence as inferior to other kinds of intelligence (literary, mathematical, scientific, etc.) In fact, men have spun emotional strength into a weakness. Men’s perceptions about the value of emotions and relationships has been deeply instilled in them through evolutionary biology, fed to them through our culture, pushed on them by male peers, and even reinforced through religion.

I’d go as far as to say that it’s more of a mainstream male belief that women are emotionally “hysterical” and out of touch, than the belief that women are actually BETTER at seeing that part of the world that most men can’t properly observe.

Are you following me here?

I don’t mean to get too far out, but I think that if women can better understand that men have a completely different emotional “tool set”, women will be much better prepared to deal with their interactions with men.

So ask yourself some important questions. Take out a pen right now and write these questions down, think about them, and write your thoughts out. Here are the questions:

What are my beliefs about the values and strengths of my emotional experience? How do men perceive me and my emotional strengths and weaknesses? Do my emotional strengths create conflict with men?

Would men respond BETTER to my emotional strengths and beliefs if I were to “translate” them in such a way that men could understand?

Whatever your answers are, you need to make yourself a promise right now:

No man will make you feel wrong for feeling what you feel or wanting what you want. Don’t be afraid of your feelings or desires just because a man is ridiculing you about something he can’t possibly relate to. Believe it or not, FEAR is your biggest enemy when it comes to men, dating, and relationships.

If you stand your ground, simply be who you are, and make no apologies for it while calmly but assertively expressing your desire, then men will respect you and admire you for it. But if you approach a man in a way that says you’re trying to CONVINCE him of your beliefs or trying to get him to see how he’s wrong and you’re right, or get his approval just so you feel you have the respect you deserve, then a man will resist you at every step.

But if you KNOW that you are a woman to be respected, and you don’t look to him for APPROVAL on the way you think and feel… the amazing part is that a man will want to give you his respect and approval much more than if you did otherwise.

For example, if you tell a man that you “only become or remain intimate with a man when you’re in an exclusive relationship” and state that calmly and assertively, in a matter-of-fact tone, he will respect it a lot more than if you say, “But we slept together! Doesn’t that mean anything to you? It means you should…(owe me an explanation, return my call, make plans for the weekend with me, etc.)”

Do you see how in the first example you state your desire and your feelings about intimacy, and in the second one you’re trying to convince the man to behave a certain way based on what you THINK he should do?

When it comes to discussions about your relationship, if you find yourself saying the word “should” a lot to your man, watch out. It’s usually a sign that you’re being the CONVINCER, and it will probably mean he’ll start rebelling against everything you’re trying to convince him of... (click on the eBook below to purchase and continue reading!)


Catch Him & Keep Him

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