Dating Tips for Women

Relationship Advice for Women - Afraid of Emotional Infidelity?

 

 

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Dating Advice for Ladies - The Secret to Overcoming YOUR Worst Fear!

I get a lot of questions on dating advice for women from those who are subscribed to my dating and relationship advice newsletters. I make my best effort to answer each and every question I get, but there are some dating questions that I truly believe all the women subscribed to my column can benefit from. This is one such question from a great reader needing some dating advice on trust within her relationship.

We will call this great gal Jenny…

Thank you Sarah, for all those newsletters. Firstly, my apologies for not replying sooner. You see, I am in this situation where I met up with my first love after being apart for two years. We had gone our separate ways and we just found out our phone numbers and started communicating again. The thing is, during those two years I went through a lot with my ex boyfriend and we broke up which left me not wanting to have anything to do with guys again. My first love then comes back and it seems that our relationship only fell apart due to the long-distance aspect of it. He seems to have also gone through a lot regarding relationships in the meantime. Right now he says he trusts me but I just cannot come to trust him - though I do love him - I am so confused about what to do. I still think that he is cheating behind my back and I have just had enough of players in my life.

Please Sarah I am so lost. Can you please give me some dating tips?

Love,

Jenny

My heart goes out to Jenny! I think we have ALL been in that place in our life where we just feel that we cannot trust another male , or get our hearts broken one more time. Here is my reply to Jenny’s question ….

Thanks for writing in, Jenny, I would be happy to talk to give you some dating advice on this.

I think the first and most important statement that jumps out at me is that you think he is cheating on you. What is leading you to think these things? Is he doing something, or is it your own, self-limiting belief that you cannot have what is good for you? Do you think it is actually physical affairs, or are you thinking this is emotional cheating or an emotional affair?

So many women get caught up in a cycle of distrust, partially from experiences where their trust HAS been broken, but also partially from their own beliefs that they do not deserve what it is they want, or that great things (particularly relationships) just do not happen to them. They are both really one in the same if you break it down. If you think you do not deserve something that you have, you will unconsciously act in ways that will CREATE the very situation that you fear – in this case, losing the guy.

You see, fear and distrust can make you do some pretty stupid things, things you would not normally do. Maybe your fear makes you act needy or clingy, or makes you act angry when you are trying to hide the fact that you are hurting inside. All these things can be interpreted by MEN in ways that make them think that you are high maintenance, needy or whiny, and that will drive a man away, or drive him toward emotional infidelity or out of your life. If he cannot get what he needs emotionally from you, he will go looking somewhere else.

But here is what I want YOU to do. You need to understand, for yourself, what it is that is holding you back. You need to know what you are afraid of, and what behaviors you are exhibiting that are caused by this. You must remember, too, that all you can fix is YOU – if he has issues, you cannot fix that, you can only fix yourself and be the best person you can be.

Ask yourself some tough questions, and be totally honest with yourself about the answers.

What exactly is it that I am afraid of? (You may say at first that he is cheating or just a generic "being hurt" answer. Not good enough! What EXACTLY is it? Pinpoint it. Face it. Figure it out.) You have to know your fears in order to face them. Don’t chicken out!

Then, go through the situation in your mind - your WORST fear about dating this guy comes true. Ok - so what happens? (Like if your worst fear is that you will begin being intimate and he sees you have a mole like Mr. Potato Head on your butt and he laughs. Imagine what you would do. Imagine how you would feel. Imagine what you would say. Work yourself through and live through it in your mind.)

Next, realize that whatever that fear was - you just lived through it. You just thought yourself through it, and you lived. You CAN get through it. Whatever it is!

So - figure it out, live it, get through it, and then GET OVER it. Make yourself a stronger YOU by knowing that you can GET THROUGH whatever it is you fear, and begin to face your relationship with fearlessness and courage, and therefore be able to give yourself what it is you want the most.


Love,

Sarah

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