Dating Tips for Women

Relationship Advice for Women -

Healing Your Marriage

 

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Emotional Infidelity
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Here is a case that I wanted to share with everyone as I have learned what it takes to help this woman heal through reading Christian Carter and Rori Raye – names and some personal information have been removed, of course. 

Dear Sarah

How are you today? I’m fine thanks. First of all l would like to thank you for all the info I have been receiving over the weeks. You have made me question a lot in my marriage.

 I have been married for 15 years have 4 great kids. I'm supposed to be on top of this world … But my husband had a non-sexual affair (so he says I beg to differ). Any way I have been faithful all my marriage. I have given everything and with soul.

 But now I don't believe I can live down the betrayal as it's like a germ in my heart that a band aid won't help.

 Sarah please don't think badly of me I came from abuse as a child and I guess he was the first kind man to me. My biggest mistake I ever made. I’m writing to help someone else I hope. The bible tells me God doesn't like divorce so I’m not sure what to do. Even though every bone in my body is telling me to leave.

 I came from a broken home and I so don't trust easy. But you have made me so strong enough to write this. Can I be advised or do I get a look down. I just for the first time in my life want to be held by someone who wants to holds me.

 May the angels bless what you doing for woman and men out there. Have a great day

 Sincerely

J

 

Hi J –

 First of all, let me thank you for having the courage to write in.  I know it is so hard to admit that something is wrong in the first place and moreover, to admit that you cannot get over something. 

 You would not believe how many women I hear talking about the bible and its views on divorce and marriage.  I cannot speak for anyone else’s religion, naturally, or anyone else’s view on God.  I will say this, however.  I believe, personally, that God wants us to be happy.  That is all I will say on that.

 As for the emotional affair – whether or not the affair was sexual in nature or purely emotional – it is still an affair, and a betrayal of your expectations of your marriage.  I understand how that seed of betrayal can germinate in your heart, especially if you feel he is not owning up to what he did.  He has to own his mistake in order for you to forgive him – it is impossible to forgive someone if they do not admit they have done something wrong.

 So what can you do?  Well, after learning so much from relationship experts like Christian Carter and Rori Raye, I can tell you that you have a choice to be made here.  You can either accept that your marriage is over because you cannot forgive him, or you can try to heal this once and for all.

 If you choose to walk – you will need to really take a deep look at your heart, and know beyond doubt that this is what you want.  Do you love him like you should?  Are you truly incapable of forgiving him?  Are you unable to trust him?  Do you understand, most importantly, that YOU DO NOT NEED A MAN TO VALIDATE YOURSELF?  What I mean by that is that you do not need to HAVE a man in your life to be happy.  If you feel like you do need this – then you need to take a long, soul searching journey, and build yourself back up before you can truly be a partner in ANY relationship, new or old.  You have to love yourself first, and I know that is totally cliché – but it’s true. 

 If you want to stay and work on things, some things need to happen as well.  Your husband NEEDS to be honest with you and tell you what happened, and you need to accept that as the truth.  How does this happen?  Well, you need to take some advice from Christian Carter and Rori Raye, and really open yourself up to him.  You need to use “feeling statements”, not accusatory statements.  Tell him, “I feel like THIS when you do THIS” Not something like “You wrecked my life you cheating jackass and you need to admit to it”.  Express to him how YOU feel, and that you need to hear the truth, no matter how hurtful, in order to truly begin the process of forgiving him or moving on.

 Next, you need to be able to accept the answer he gives you, and begin to trust him again, based on who he is now, and what he is committed to in your relationship.  In other words, if you forgive him, you HAVE to do it all the way, forgive it, and move on. Do not constantly come back to it, don’t bring it up every time he does something wrong.  If you are NOT able to do this, your marriage will NOT survive.

 I really appreciate your kind words and the impact that my advice has had on your life.  I wish you all the best with this, and hope you can fully recover from this hurtful time in your life, whatever that recovery means for you.

 Love,

Sarah

 

 

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