Here is a case that I
wanted to share with everyone as I have learned what
it takes to help this woman heal through reading
Christian Carter and Rori Raye – names and some
personal information have been removed, of course.
Dear Sarah
How are you today? I’m fine thanks. First of all l
would like to thank you for all the info I have been
receiving over the weeks. You have made me question
a lot in my marriage.
I
have been married for 15 years have 4 great kids.
I'm supposed to be on top of this world … But my
husband had a non-sexual affair (so he says I beg to
differ). Any way I have been faithful all my
marriage. I have given everything and with soul.
But now I don't believe I can live down the
betrayal as it's like a germ in my heart that a band
aid won't help.
Sarah please don't think badly of me I came from
abuse as a child and I guess he was the first kind
man to me. My biggest mistake I ever made. I’m
writing to help someone else I hope. The bible tells
me God doesn't like divorce so I’m not sure what to
do. Even though every bone in my body is telling me
to leave.
I
came from a broken home and I so don't trust easy.
But you have made me so strong enough to write this.
Can I be advised or do I get a look down. I just for
the first time in my life want to be held by someone
who wants to holds me.
May the angels bless what you doing for woman and
men out there. Have a great day
Sincerely
J
Hi J –
First of
all, let me thank you for having the courage to
write in. I know it is so hard to admit that
something is wrong in the first place and moreover,
to admit that you cannot get over something.
You
would not believe how many women I hear talking
about the bible and its views on divorce and
marriage. I cannot speak for anyone else’s
religion, naturally, or anyone else’s view on God.
I will say this, however. I believe, personally,
that God wants us to be happy. That is all I will
say on that.
As for
the emotional affair – whether or not the affair was
sexual in nature or purely emotional – it is still
an affair, and a betrayal of your expectations of
your marriage. I understand how that seed of
betrayal can germinate in your heart, especially if
you feel he is not owning up to what he did. He has
to own his mistake in order for you to forgive him –
it is impossible to forgive someone if they do not
admit they have done something wrong.
So what
can you do? Well, after learning so much from
relationship experts like Christian Carter and Rori
Raye, I can tell you that you have a choice to be
made here. You can either accept that your marriage
is over because you cannot forgive him, or you can
try to heal this once and for all.
If you
choose to walk – you will need to really take a deep
look at your heart, and know beyond doubt that this
is what you want. Do you love him like you should?
Are you truly incapable of forgiving him? Are you
unable to trust him? Do you understand, most
importantly, that YOU DO NOT NEED A MAN TO VALIDATE
YOURSELF? What I mean by that is that you do not
need to HAVE a man in your life to be happy. If you
feel like you do need this – then you need to take a
long, soul searching journey, and build yourself
back up before you can truly be a partner in ANY
relationship, new or old. You have to love yourself
first, and I know that is totally cliché – but it’s
true.
If you
want to stay and work on things, some things need to
happen as well. Your husband NEEDS to be honest
with you and tell you what happened, and you need to
accept that as the truth. How does this happen?
Well, you need to take some advice from Christian
Carter and Rori Raye, and really open yourself up to
him. You need to use “feeling statements”, not
accusatory statements. Tell him, “I feel like THIS
when you do THIS” Not something like “You wrecked my
life you cheating jackass and you need to admit to
it”. Express to him how YOU feel, and that you need
to hear the truth, no matter how hurtful, in order
to truly begin the process of forgiving him or
moving on.
Next,
you need to be able to accept the answer he gives
you, and begin to trust him again, based on who he
is now, and what he is committed to in your
relationship. In other words, if you forgive him,
you HAVE to do it all the way, forgive it, and move
on. Do not constantly come back to it, don’t bring
it up every time he does something wrong. If you
are NOT able to do this, your marriage will NOT
survive.
I really
appreciate your kind words and the impact that my
advice has had on your life. I wish you all the
best with this, and hope you can fully recover from
this hurtful time in your life, whatever that
recovery means for you.
Love,
Sarah
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